Back to comparison again

Back to feeling angsty and shitty again

I think I need to love myself before I can love anyone 

I'm falling out of love 

Time to say goodbye 

Why do I keep pushing away the person I love most 

I feel happy making everyone bitter is it. 

I'm a bitch.

Feeling so miserable as f

I'll always remember the things he did for me 

Traveling from his house to my house every time when he knows I feel sian and wanna see him.

Sending me to work every time. 

Telling me about his day, informing me where he will be going that night or that weekend.

Finding websites for me to watch my shows online.

Best boyfriend on earth. 

I'll never find a boyfriend like him.

But I'm better off alone because I flare up so easily, and after being in this airline, my temper has worsen so much.

I am so temperamental and I'm super unpredictable.

I'm not a good girlfriend, not a good daughter. 

I expect people to please me, but I don't wanna try and make people happy. 

I deserve to grow old and die alone  

Things to remember

Don’t become jaded.

It’s so easy to become bored and upset with life. Try not to. There are so many ways to fall back in love with life. Try something new, travel, or spend a day in a city. Once you take yourself out of your normal routine, it’s easy to see how wonderful life can be

Know when to say you’re sorry.

Being the first to admit you’re wrong or getting the courage to say sorry is hard. This can be one of the most valuable traits that someone can have; most importantly it shows humility. Holding out on an apology due to pride can ruin a relationship and you look bad.

Don’t make decision when you’re mad, don’t make promises when you’re happy.

This one is pretty straightforward. Judgment is easily swayed by emotions. When emotions are running high the choices made aren’t always great ones. If it’s nighttime, sleep on it; things are always clearer in the morning.

Take risks.

As simple as this sounds, it really isn’t. Stepping out of a comfort zone can be challenging. It always pays off in the end though. Find something you’re interested in or love and go for it. It can only add to the lifelong memories you’ll have. It’s the best way to live without regrets. Live life to the fullest — after all, it’s the only life you’ve got. 

I'm turning into a monster I don't even recognize myself 

I feel so shitty every single day. 

Every time I wakeup, I don't look at the mirror cos I hate looking at myself. 

I feel so ugly inside out

I wanna be back to last time 

When I feel so happy and beautiful inside out 

Now I'm just a different person. 

Nothing and nobody can make me happy

Not even the guy that used to make you smile every single second.

I make him upset, and i make myself upset. 

I feel irritated every single second 

Maybe it's a sign that it's time for me to leave and move on, till I become better. 

Really fml.

I hate my family even...

I'm always making a comparison.

Comparing my family, comparing myself, and even comparing my partner. 

I After 13 hours of flight, I'm finally in Frankfurt! 

My first time in fra since I reported mc during my probation. 

Didn't sleep during crew rest cos my rest was from 5-8pm.. So early how to sleep.

And I flew with this leading again. Flirt flirt flirt. 

He made me realized how lucky I'm to have such a loyal and loving boyfriend. I swear I won't trade my boyfriend for anyone else.

This leading is married with a 6 year old child and he has the guts to go around showing love and flirting with us. 

He said he wanna be my boyfriend, I gave him a NO! 

Seriously why in the world got such guys, married still like that. Wtf. 

And the leading stewardess also, knowing he is married still flirt back.. 

Never stay in this airline for too long. Can't wait for my bond to be over. 

This job makes me bad tempered and sad to meet these kind of people.

And I don't wanna go out with you can? 

There is a reason why non ranking crew don't wanna go out with some ranking crew. 

I really hope my current boyfriend will be my first, only and last boyfriend. 

So thankful and blessed to have him.

I doubt I'll find someone who loves me like he does, always putting me before himself. 

I hope when he goes into the workforce, he won't change into these tikopek I meet onboard. 

Was talking to my crew who is the same age as me during lull period.

She alrd BTO with her boyfriend. So fast! Everyone at work are getting their houses, even those younger than me! 

But my uni mates and I aren't even thinking about BTO yet. Is it airline jobs make people married faster. 

I haven't sleep for more than 1 day? But I'm so energetic, so many things to say. I'm gonna delete this post soon cos I just want to have somewhere to rant.

I had so many carbs onboard. So many bread. I think i should open bakery store next time.

I wanna eat the bread from ion leh. Been missing that for weeks .

Really? Depression?!

Got this from a website 

So I went to google 

What do you call this feeling

Mixture of anger and sadness

Depression?! Wth. 

Ever feel so frustrated and pent up that even the slightest thing seems like it could set you off? On the verge of rage, but is it truly rage or is it a different emotion – one that defies words but combines anger, frustration, sadness, anxiety, “stressed out” and edginess? Irritability can feel like emotional sandpaper under your skin and once it is in full swing, everything, from a partner’s kind words to your dog’s whine, seems to make it worse.

Quick to anger, quick to tears

Omg god knows how many times I cried and felt so angry today. 

And it's not even anyone's fault

Am I really under depression

-.- 

It's always hard to say good bye.

"Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart."

I can't help it but tears were on the verge of dropping when my helper was packing her luggages.

I love him but why must he be so demanding, complaining, shouting, mocking her...

She is a human after all, and...she has feelings and temper like all of us do.

She needs love and respect like everyone of us. She isn't any different.

Now that she is leaving, he seems a little remorseful. Yup. A little.

I guess a leopard will never change its spots. He's been like this for years. 

The queen and the older princess have been complaining to me and I only understood it now.

I hope my other half won't be like him. 

And now he said he wanna get a new helper.

Nope not gonna have another one.

More problems no way. And this time round it would be me because they didn't wanna have anything to do with it already, so if I helped him, it would mean more problems for me. 

7 months of interacting with my helper, we are the closest in the family. 

She would complain to me and tell me about her family, her friends.

Yea she is very talkative haha but it's because she loves to share her problems with me that makes us closer. 

I'm glad at least I made her stay here an enjoyable one. 

I will miss her cooking my favourite eggs, French fries and fried bee hoon.

I'll miss her noise in the house. Nobody to talk to me anymore..

Whenever I'm back from flight, her eyes will sparkle, and she will be so happy and tell me she miss me during these few days.

She will even ask the queen when I'll be back.

Sometimes she will buy clothes, and ask for my opinions.

Hope she won't let anyone bully her after this incident. 

Best of luck to her in her future employer's house.